they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
