There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
