New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
