And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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