Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
