I need to stop coming to work sober
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
