I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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