Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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