we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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