white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
They should really pass out barf bags in church
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
