Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
