i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
