my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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