I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
