I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
