This girl is more easily done than said...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
