the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
