She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
