don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
