he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
