That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
