I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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