dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was like eating out sand paper
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
