meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
