I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
