nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
