My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
