Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
