I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
