he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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