and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
