My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
