im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
