I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just invented taco cereal.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
