even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
