Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
