they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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