i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
