just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
