We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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