She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
