im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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