She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
