I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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