I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
