i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
