I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
