Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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