Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
