and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
