If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
